The Trouble With Arguing…

 

Recently, I attempted to visit a poorly relative in hospital. Frustratingly, the hospital had decided to close the car park which generally means encircling the hospital repeatedly in the hope that a space will become available somewhere nearby. After three attempts of doing this without success, I finally pulled over to a patient transport waiting area, where I waited for 40 minutes. At this point a lady came along in her car, and also proceeded to wait for a space. Time crept by and almost an hour passed when a visitor finally relieved a parking space. Hooray! My patience had finally paid off… hadn’t it?. The lady who had also been waiting, sneakily arranged for some of her passengers to block me from entering the now- available space so that she could have it! Can you imagine the opportunities I had right there to shout, holler and scream about the injustice of it all?

Anyone close to me  will tell you that going back a few years that’s exactly what I would have done. I was argumentative, confrontational and always had to prove I was in the right. After all, in this case I was! However, my peace over the years has become far more valuable to me than proving that I am right. So I sat. And waited. No more spaces became available and eventually I was forced to return home. I will attempt it again another day, but I have already decided that I will not become angry if this is repeated. I went away with my peace perfectly intact and importantly, people I love didn’t  have to tolerate a foul mood emanating from me.

You see, my precious readers, the trouble with arguments is that there are just no winners. I’ve never once seen an argument where both sides have walked away saying “that was fantastic! I feel great!” The truth is, most people believe that they can spew a whole load of bitter negativity during an argument and that once they’ve stopped arguing, it’s over. I’m sorry to say, it isn’t. Words do not simply disappear into thin air. They land on the hearts and minds of people and remain there, ready for the next round of arguments with whoever and about whatever - whether the issue is serious or trivial.You may look back over past broken friendships, broken family relationships, work or even church relationships and wonder to yourself: “how did it come to this?” I think it would be really healthy to go back and reflect on the disputes and sharp exchanges of words over time and you will see that you have built an unhealthy stronghold. It may be painful to think this through, but if it’s done with a humble and open heart before God, he will gently lift the burdens and unforgiveness  you carry and you will begin to see restored relationships in your marriage, with your children, with your siblings and in friendships. But this is not an exercise in condemnation. Don’t beat yourself up - there is so much help at hand! 

Always remember that in an argument, both sides want to prove that they are right. However, the moment you begin to argue, you are wrong. Whilst you may be right about the issue itself, what actually rises up is pride, because of course we must be proven right! There is simply no merit to engaging in conflict - it requires no self control, patience or love… all fruits of the spirit. Have you noticed that? Whilst you are busy trying to prove your “rightness”, you have forfeited everything that the Holy Spirit has embedded within you in order for you to experience his grace. That’s why nobody wins an argument. In fact, over time, you cause long-term damage to both your loved ones and to yourself. There’s an awful lot of shouting going on, but can you hear each other? You are merely exchanging hostilities without listening. 

Here’s what the word has to say:

“A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger calms dispute.”

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭15‬:‭18‬ ‭BSB‬‬

https://bible.com/bible/3034/pro.15.18.BSB

“It is honorable to back off from a fight, but fools jump right in.”

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭20‬:‭3‬ ‭CEB‬‬

https://bible.com/bible/37/pro.20.3.CEB

“But reject foolish and ignorant speculation, for you know that it breeds quarreling. And a servant of the Lord must not be quarrelsome, but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, and forbearing.”

‭‭2 Timothy‬ ‭2‬:‭23‬-‭24‬ ‭BSB‬‬

https://bible.com/bible/3034/2ti.2.23-24.BSB

The Word of God  is pretty candid about arguments! But the benefits of avoiding them are also lucid. It calms disputes and it’s honourable. But look at the final verse from 2 Timothy: “… Kind to everyone, able to teach and forbearing“. Imagine yourself sitting having a coffee with someone you’ve  fallen  out with and being able to offer kindness to them, being able to teach them and bear with them in their areas of weakness, and them helping you in your weaknesses too - no hostilities, just an understanding between you, whether you agree or not. 

This journey towards ousting clamorous arguing from your life will not be an overnight process, but the moment you decide to do it, you have divine help. When you get on board with God, then and only then can he come to your aid. And with the same kindness we’ve seen in the book of Timothy, he will lead you gently and without judgement, because he loves you. 

I pray for restored, and healed relationships in your life! 

Please remember to like, share and comment.