When I’m out and about, I often quietly admire young dads who I spot early in the morning pushing buggies hurriedly, or during the after school pick-up, maybe stopping by the small park near a particular school, and rambling with their little ones. These are images of fathers which are seldom presented in society - but they’re definitely there.
I do become very nostalgic, thinking back to my own late husband’s beautiful examples of fatherhood - images surge of him chasing my eldest daughter around the park whilst she screamed with glee. A heartwarming memory! But that alone isn’t what made him such an excellent father and husband. This was achieved by following godly principles. Oh, don’t assume he was perfect - nobody is. But there is one area in which he excelled above many dads who struggled - his voice was heard within the household.
What do I mean by that? Did he holler at the top of his voice to be heard? Did he stomp around in a rage and call it ‘disciplining’ his children? No. He was one of the quietest human beings you could have met - and yet he was fully aware of his God-given authority as a father and husband. And he would conduct that authority gently and with understanding. He never raised his voice - and yet our children knew when they were being disciplined. He knew how to get down in the dirt and play hard with the children- but they always knew when playtime was over. He would lead family devotions - and encourage the ‘worship leader’ (our youngest) to bring out her toy guitar and microphones, followed by our eldest, who would ‘bring the word’. (I still have one of her earliest ‘sermons’, which she wrote - all seven lines of it! 😂).
When the children got it wrong, he would be quick to correct. When they got it right, he was quick to praise. He was a real presence in their lives. And it’s that presence that ensured his voice was heard, cherished and obeyed. Ouch! Did I just use that very old-fashioned unspeakable word in today’s modern society? The one that’s now been written out of most marriage vows? Before you become a little prickly about it, look at the model I’ve outlined above. Many of us struggle at the thought of obeying a husband because you don’t imagine yourselves to be on the same page about absolutely everything. The good news is, when God is in it, your voice will also be heard, and most of the time you will have a real ‘peace which surpasses all understanding’ that will ‘keep your hearts and minds’ - Phil 4:7. But when that doesn’t happen - don’t assume God can’t work it out. He can and He will. But God establishes an order within families, and you can always tell when that order has been disrupted. Just like a piece removed from the middle of a Jenga game, the whole family unit can disintegrate and become dysfunctional. My focus here is on the father’s role - something rarely focused on. There are indeed other considerations to be had.
Let me present you with a biblical model of this. Now I love those Bible animations on YouTube - I consume them regularly and absolutely love them! I watched one recently about the harrowing story of Dinah, Jacob’s only daughter. Now I’ve read this story a few times over many years - a story of the sexual abuse of Dinah, with a devastating impact on a whole nation, who were slaughtered because of it. (You can read the full story in Gen 34). I’ve always been disgusted by the sheer depravity of Shechem, the rapist, a man of wealth and power - and zero self-control. However, the Holy Spirit highlighted a crucial lesson to be learned. Where was Jacob’s voice? Jacob and his family had only recently come to settle in the land. He had only one daughter, who he should have protected diligently, in a patriarchal society, as things were back then. Very telling, is Jacob’s response, when he heard about his daughter’s abuse. Verse 5 of Genesis 34 states: ‘and Jacob held his peace until they (his sons) came home’. Why did he do this? His daughter had been utterly ravaged …and he said nothing? Again, verse 13 states: ‘ and the sons of Jacob answered Shechem and Hamir…’ revealing that Jacob was yet again, silent. He was leaving the discourse of such a life-altering topic, which would have far-reaching and permanent ramifications etched into Israel’s history, in the hands of his sons - an utter disruption to God’s divine order. You can perhaps see now how Dinah, was left without the protection she ought to have been afforded by her father. I certainly hadn’t seen this before.
The Bible does not shy away from such uncomfortable topics. It is more than a book, it is alive and speaks still to us today. It says: “Where is the father‘s voice?”
If you are reading this, you certainly don’t have to agree with all I’ve said… But what you absolutely must do, is agree with what the Word of God says - it’s never wrong. The evidence is before us: The chaos that ensues wherever fathers remove themselves from their God given responsibilities, or even if they are present and they remove their voices. Fathers, I appeal to you, follow these biblical principles. Mothers, daughters, sons and brothers, I appeal to you also: know your godly place within the family - allow fathers to be heard - do not disrupt God’s divine line of authority.
By no means is this “happily ever after” advice, but over time it will certainly make for a more peaceful household, step by humble step.
Thanks for reading - please comment and share!
Peacebrown
